So about two weeks ago, I started a post about how I was feeling on the anniversary of the pandemic becoming a global event. I won’t lie, it was a pretty glum post. I didn’t hit publish because…well…I know most of you reading this are friends and family and I don’t like making you worry about me and my glumness. And no one needs to hear my snark about vaccine shaming and how it pisses me off.
But it’s a bit later now. And I think I might be on the other side of the glum. Here’s why.
Way back in late 2019/early 2020, things were going really well in Jodi world. I was feeling healthy and strong. I had plans. 2020 was going to be a great year. I remember a conversation with my dad where he asked me what could derail me from the good path I was on. We pondered, and I said “Well, getting injured. Losing my job.” We laughed…surely those things weren’t likely to happen (hot tip - they both did). But we definitely didn’t think a global pandemic was going to be a thing.
And then, March 13, 2020. I flew home from a business trip, wiping down everything with fervor (remember how we thought wiping tray tables would help? We were so cute). And then I stayed home, like many of us did…for a long time.
A year later, thinking back on what was lost (500,000 people in the USA alone, millions of trips and visits and hugs, my job) and what was gained (a newfound appreciation for delivery drivers, some pounds around the midsection, and for many of you with families, lots of “quality” time), it makes sense that I’d be a little glum. After all, despite valiant efforts to keep our collective chins up, the year was hard, and we’ll all bear the scars for a while.
But as usually happens with me when I recognize that I’m spending a bit too much time in glum-ville, I tried to remember the things that help, and started slowly doing them.
The first is to remember that I’m lucky in my support system. I may be unemployed, but I have a beautiful roof over my head and wonderful people supporting me as I search for my next job. I have the privilege of knowing that job will show up eventually, even as the days of interviews and waiting stretch on interminably. I am extraordinarily grateful for the unemployment payments I am receiving from my state and federal governments. They are saving my mental health, no joke. And I cannot wait to stop getting them.
I also owe a debt to my OB-GYN, who, when I brought up how upset I was to have gained back some of the weight I lost over the last year, replied, “We need to be kind to ourselves. It’s a pandemic.” It’s remarkable how that moment of grace, of someone saying “it’s ok, don’t hate yourself” allowed me to let out a big metaphorical breath and re-focus on the little things that make a difference.*
Drinking more water. Expanding my daily walks. Trying to get a run in. Yoga/mobility work. Trying not to eat all my feelings. Buying more vegetables (and actually eating them). Making my bed. Rearranging closets. Purging that giant metal candle holder that’s been sitting in storage for years. Those sorts of things.
Springtime helps. Sunshine helps. Family helps. Good friends help. My awesome dog helps. Having a vacation/adventure coming up helps (boy does it ever). Watching so many people, including myself, get vaccinated helps. Seeing the big-ass container ship in motion helps.
I completely understand that, for many people out there, feeling optimism in these days seems futile. I get that. I can’t guarantee that next week I’ll feel the same as I do now. But, marking moments is the way to we try to work through them. It’s my hope that those of you who haven’t found your way out of glum-ville might be able to find a nugget in these ramblings that could help.
And here are some picture of spring flowers, because, well...they are pretty.
*This is why fat shaming doesn’t work, FYI. For many people, myself included, the key to weight loss is less stress, and feeling bad about ourselves is not a stress-reducing strategy.
One of my brightest highlights from last year was your knowledge and 'all in' attitude to help Gary with his first ever Marathon, Boston virtual. Your strategically placed signs and hydration stops were the absolute best. His run just would not have been as spectacular without you and Nicole. You are amazing. I love your blog and reflections!